I read four books this fortnight and published one. The four books are “When Narcissism Comes to Church” by Chuck DeGroat, “The Way of the Heart” by Henri Nouwen, “Divergent” by Veronica Roth, and “Blood and Fire” by George R.R. Martin. The book I published is a devotional on Leviticus. Here are short reviews of what I read.
“When Narcissism Comes to Church” by Chuck DeGroat
The first book was “When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse” by Chuck DeGroat. It’s the best book I’ve read on narcissism in Christianity, especially among Christian leaders.
DeGroat quotes Lasch when he writes that narcissism is “longing to be freed from longing” (i.e. longing to be free of shame, failings, and humanity through visions, strivings, and masks of grandiosity. “Human limitation, fragility, and weakness hurt too much,” so narcissists find ways to hide behind a mask). The narcissistic mask is grandiose, attention-seeking, entitled, and unempathetic, covering deep wells of shame, a sense of vulnerability, and a fear of being exposed as inadequate or “human.” Narcissism and narcissistic systems need hiddenness and secrecy to survive, fearing that their shame and failings will be brought out into the light and avoiding the truth of weakness and vulnerability.
Christianity offers profound opportunities for people to avoid their deep inner shame, longing, and humanity through platform, performance, stage, power, branding, recognition, followers, and acclaim. “Ministry is a magnet for a narcissistic personality—who else would want to speak on behalf of God every week? While the vast majority of people struggle with public speaking . . . pastors do it regularly [and] with ‘divine authority’” (page 19).
DeGroat offers so much in this work, including how enneagram personality types help us understand the nine faces and types of narcissism, how to confront and heal from narcissistic leaders and church systems, how to understand the inner life of a narcissist, and how to heal ourselves and the church from narcissistic abuse. At times, I felt his correlation between narcissistic and enneagram types was a stretch, but it was a creative and insightful framework nonetheless. I value the way DeGroat shows how narcissism is our collective problem (our church cultures and systems encourage and support narcissism, including the way we choose church planters, innovators, and leaders) and how we all need to examine our role in dealing with our inner narcissistic tendencies, especially in the age of social media.
Some of our tests for “apostolic, pioneering, innovative leaders” seem designed to reward and amplify narcissism rather than the humble, servant way of Jesus Christ. DeGroat also speaks of the characteristics of the “fauxnerable Christian leader” who uses carefully curated “vulnerability” to cover their narcissism and put the spotlight on themselves.
DeGroat believes that transformation and change for the narcissist (and narcissistic church systems) are possible, but it’s a slow, painful, vulnerable, honest, and courageous process. Like so many others, I’ve been hurt by narcissistic Christian leaders who could not see themselves or understand the impact of their behaviours—and I’ve felt let down by governance groups that refused to confront narcissistic abuse. As someone who has struggled for a few years to confront my selfish tendencies and the impact it has on others (I’m not a narcissist according to clinical definitions but, like many others, struggle against the pull toward narcissistic or selfish tendencies), I found deGroat’s insights into how to heal from our inner narcissism helpful and his compassion sincere.
This is a book every Christian ministry team, board, and eldership should read as we seek to deal with the widespread narcissism among Christian leaders and church systems today.
“The Way of the Heart” by Henri Nouwen
I also read “The Way of the Heart: Desert Spirituality and Contemporary Ministry” by Henri Nouwen. In his characteristic style, Nouwen shows how three features of desert spirituality (solitude, silence, and prayer) can renew our spiritual lives and serve as antidotes to our modern problems of busyness, noisiness, and prayerlessness. The Spirit confronts our desires and compulsions as we encounter Jesus in solitude, silence, and prayer.
In our secular, shallow, busy, selfish age, our compulsions threaten to lead us away from God and erode our identity, humility, and ability to show generosity, compassion, and love. The desert fathers inspire us to push back against the tendencies of our age rather than drift along passively, reflecting the diseases and dysfunctions of the heart that consume modern societies.
“Our identity, our sense of self, is at stake. Secularity is a way of being dependent on the responses of our milieu. The secular or false self is the self which is fabricated, as Thomas Merton says, by social compulsions. ‘Compulsive’ is indeed the best adjective for the false self. It points to the need for ongoing and increasing affirmation. Who am I? I am the one who is liked, praised, admired, disliked, hated or despised. Whether I am a pianist, a businessman or a minister, what matters is how I am perceived by my world. If being busy is a good thing, then I must be busy. If having money is a sign of real freedom, then I must claim my money. If knowing many people proves my importance, I will have to make the necessary contacts. The compulsion manifests itself in the lurking fear of failure and the steady urge to prevent this by gathering more of the same—more work, more money, more friends” (pages 22–23).
Nouwen’s insights on God’s inner work of transforming our desires, neuroses, and compulsions complement DeGroat’s book on finding freedom and healing from narcissism in the church.
“Divergent” by Veronica Roth
I also read “Divergent” by Veronica Roth. It’s young adult fiction full of your expected themes and cliches. I often rolled my eyes at the dialogue and felt the book spent too much time on Tris’s initiation into Dauntless and not enough time building a more substantial plot. Still, I couldn’t put the book down, reading it in two days. It’s a coming-of-age story of one young woman discovering her strength, courage, character, and leadership abilities.
One of the morals of the story is that we need the gifts and personality types of others to flourish personally and as a society. We need those who are Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the kind), Erudite (the intelligent), Abnegation (the selfless), and Candor (the honest). Moreover, each of us is more than just one personality trait. We are all ‘divergent’: complex, beautiful, broken, and unique, seeking ways to express our complexity and experience the fullness of life, vocation, and relationships.
“Blood and Fire” by George R.R. Martin
Finally, I read “Blood and Fire” by George R.R. Martin. It was a difficult read and a massive book at 737 pages. It narrates the history of the House of Targaryen from Aegon the Conqueror to Aegon III (the first volume in a two-volume history). It’s not a novel but written as a history told by Archmaester Gyldayn, who cites various sources that often contradict each other.
Martin once jokingly referred to this book as the first of his “GRRMarillion” (a nod to JRR Tolkien’s “The Silmarillion”). I read this before beginning the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series (the seven books starting with “A Game of Thrones”) because I wanted to get the backstory before reading those fantasy novels.
Sometimes, I felt I was engaged in a boring history assignment, as many chapters have little plot and are told in a dry, scholarly way, with excruciating detail and a list of similar names. The most engaging part of the book was “The Dying (or Dance) of the Dragons”, and I can see why HBO turned this into the series “House of the Dragon.” Martin has created an intricate, marvellous fantasy world, but this book is a challenging read and difficult to recommend. I’m glad I read it as a backstory of “A Song of Ice and Fire”, but it’s a book for Westerosian devotees (loyal ASOIAF fans or “Thronies”) and not the casual reader.
My New Book: “Leviticus”
On a personal note, I published my fifth devotional, “Leviticus: Holiness, Obedience, and Divine Fellowship Embraced: A Fifty-Day Devotional.” I’m seeking to write one on every book of the Bible, and I hope they bless people and enrich lives. You can learn more about the book here: https://grahamjosephhill.com/devotional-books/
